What Happened to the Easter Bunny?
Press Release, April 3, 2003
Easter Bunny Found Dead
After many years of making the rounds, children this year will be missing those special deliveries on Easter morning from the Easter bunny. The Easter bunny was found dead this morning under the home of Loren and Denise Doty (hence, the smell we’ve had for few weeks).
The Easter bunny seems to have entered through a loose screen on a foundation vent and he couldn’t get back out. The exact cause of death is not certain, given the state of his badly decomposed and torn apart body, (hence, the rat problem we have) but he most likely died of starvation. An autopsy will not be performed.
The corpse of the bunny was discovered by a nice man who was cleaning the Doty’s air duct system. Mr. Doty convinced the man, with the flash of a $20 bill, to remove the corpse. “I had just eaten breakfast and I was grossed out by the thought. I would have paid him $50, but he said $20 was enough” (he hadn’t eaten breakfast yet).
Mrs. Doty, who was at work when the gruesome discovery was made, is looking for somewhere else to spend the night. She will probably need trauma counseling.
The discovery could have been made sooner, if the Doty’s would have closely monitored the behavior of their cocker spaniel, Max, who, when entering the house, sniffed and explored everywhere. Even then, investigators believe it would have been too late to save the Easter bunny.
Burial services will take place as soon at United Disposal comes today. Memorial gifts may be sent to Loren and Denise Doty for their relocation fund.
Easter Bunny Found Dead
After many years of making the rounds, children this year will be missing those special deliveries on Easter morning from the Easter bunny. The Easter bunny was found dead this morning under the home of Loren and Denise Doty (hence, the smell we’ve had for few weeks).
The Easter bunny seems to have entered through a loose screen on a foundation vent and he couldn’t get back out. The exact cause of death is not certain, given the state of his badly decomposed and torn apart body, (hence, the rat problem we have) but he most likely died of starvation. An autopsy will not be performed.
The corpse of the bunny was discovered by a nice man who was cleaning the Doty’s air duct system. Mr. Doty convinced the man, with the flash of a $20 bill, to remove the corpse. “I had just eaten breakfast and I was grossed out by the thought. I would have paid him $50, but he said $20 was enough” (he hadn’t eaten breakfast yet).
Mrs. Doty, who was at work when the gruesome discovery was made, is looking for somewhere else to spend the night. She will probably need trauma counseling.
The discovery could have been made sooner, if the Doty’s would have closely monitored the behavior of their cocker spaniel, Max, who, when entering the house, sniffed and explored everywhere. Even then, investigators believe it would have been too late to save the Easter bunny.
Burial services will take place as soon at United Disposal comes today. Memorial gifts may be sent to Loren and Denise Doty for their relocation fund.
posted by Loren at
8:11 PM
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